Forbidden
by CountryGirl6556
Summary: Things weren't supposed to be this way. She was a good person, a good friend, a good sister. Before she would have done anything for those she loved. She never believed she would be here like this, a hidden mistress to a married man, estranged from anyone else she had ever loved. There's no way out now, so she started her letters. Death/Suicide, No HEA. Read at your own risk.


AN: Since I have been absent for a disgusting amount of time I decided to throw out a treat. I have had this finished for well over a year but was reluctant to post it for a number of reasons, the first being that I had angst stories. They make me cry and I hate that.

I don't even know why I wrote this. This is a very different type of story to what I've wrote before. I've been writing over a decade for fan fics of multiple types and fiction works of my own, and I have _never_ written anything like this. All I can say is that I must have been super depressed or something but w/e.

All mistakes are my own, and I didn't actually do a run through of this story since a few months after I finished it.

So, with all that said, prepare for a poorly edited, drama filled, super sad story with no HEA.

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She would forever hate herself for how things turned out. During the past three years she had seen her brother half a dozen times and only called him every couple of months. It had taken him far less time than she had expected to figure things out.

Maybe she should have expected it. Although she had a part time job at a local tea shop, the hours and pay they gave her were only enough to cover food and other necessities, but she had been living in a small, yet very nice studio apartment since the day she had turned 18. Also she had more spending money than he had income.

After about 3 weeks, Horohoro figured out that she had a boyfriend who was taking care of her. When she refused to talk about it time and time again, he had eventually guessed she was seeing a married man. The idea of denying it had crossed her mind, but it was true. She was the 'other woman', tearing apart a family.

Her brother had been disgusted with her and hadn't spoken to her for six months afterwards. Pirika decided that her brothers' hatred was well deserved, because she knew how wrong it was, but every time he touched her none of that mattered. If Horohoro knew who it was, his disgust would be overwhelmed by anger and they would never save their relationship.

Nothing would stop her however, as she leaned out the open window around ten that night. He stayed with her for a week every two or three months and he came for a day or two after his business trips if he could keep his wife from being suspicious. This time it was only for one full day, but she would hold onto it like it would last forever.

It was never as much as she wanted, but then what she wanted was to have him always, not just when he could slip away. She could never really have him though. They were far too different. He was a rich, powerful businessman with a well-known name, but she was just an orphan girl and no one would approve.

When she heard a key in her front door she gave a sad smile. Long ago she had decided that the pain she felt when he walked away was punishment for everyone she was hurting. She listened carefully as he walked in, set his son down in the playpen she kept for this purpose, and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Without saying a word, he moved in and started to nibble lightly on her neck. Giving a soft moan she had to admit this was her drug. She was addicted to the high he gave her and never wanted it to stop. When she turned around to look up at him, all of her pain and regret was gone as she met his golden eyes.

Ren smirked. He knew what his actions did to her and enjoyed it. No matter what he did, she melted the moment they touched. They both moved in, lips meeting eagerly. The six weeks before had been busy for him and he hadn't had a single chance to see her and they both missed it.

Things with Jeanne were never the same as things with Pirika. The French woman was just too proper. That and Pirika had come first. He only married Jeanne because he and the Ainu could never really be together. They came from different worlds and people wouldn't understand, at least not the people that mattered.

Still he had deeper feelings for her than he would ever have for Jeanne. Because of that he couldn't bring himself to give her up. It was difficult for him, and he knew it was even harder for her, but he wouldn't let go. He loved the way she needed him, the way she pulled him closer when he kissed her; Jeanne was far to self-sufficient for such nonsense. It didn't mean Pirika wasn't a strong woman, because Ren knew she was, it just meant she liked having a man care for her.

Being needed felt good, and it was clear she needed him by the way her hands moved to the back of his head and pulled him down. When they had to pull apart she rested her head on his shoulder, not bothering to hide the huge smile that lit her face. Her breaths were coming in pants as she giggled softly. "I missed you." She whispered happily.

That cocky smirk was there, even though she couldn't see it, she knew. Going up on her tip toes she kissed him deeply before pulling him over to the bed. She had walked up to it backwards and when the back of her feet hit the futon they both fell over.

The moment he landed on top of her, their lips met again and Ren ran his tongue over her lip, begging for more. Obeying instantly she gave a soft moan as he moved into her mouth. When he pulled away this time, he didn't stop. Instead, his lips trailed down her neck and as far as her low cut shirt would allow.

It was her weakness and he knew it. Just like he wanted, she broke and her hands moved up to start tugging desperately at the buttons on his shirt. She hadn't even seen him in over a month and she wasn't willing to wait any longer. Luckily, neither was he.

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When Ren woke up the next morning he could hear noise from the kitchen and smell the scent of breakfast. Getting up, he walked in quietly and wrapped his arms around her waist.

She must have known that he was coming because she didn't jump when he grabbed her. Instead she just rolled her eyes. "There's food on the table, help yourself."

Glancing over Ren saw his son sitting on the table in just a diaper chewing on the biggest pancake he could fit in his little hands.

It was likely that Pirika had indulged him. There wasn't a chance of him eating the entire thing, but it would make the boy happy, and she had a weak spot for him. She would read to him, play with him, and was more than happy to cuddle during his nap time. As a result Men adored her.

At some point it would become a problem. Within a year he would begin to speak and when he mentioned her name back at the compound in China there would be questions, but Ren would deal with that when the time came. He wouldn't let anything kill his high now that he was here.

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Pirika had a wonderful afternoon, although they had been locked inside the house. They knew too many people in Tokyo. Word would get out if they were seen together. Instead Pirika spent time with Men. It was after dinner now and the boy was finally asleep.

She had always loved children and although she adored Men, time with his father was what really mattered to her. Right now they were lying on her bed. Ren was on his back looking up and she was on her stomach beside him.

They didn't let things get crazy the entire time they were together. Ren knew how much just having time with each other meant. It kept her from feeling like he only came for the benefits in bed. With this in mind, he made sure they had some relaxing time together.

Also he knew she wanted to be loved gently at least once a trip. She thought he just humored her with this, but he wouldn't trade it for the world. They had gotten that over with (as Pirika called it) during Men's afternoon nap.

For Pirika it just added up to be another thing that she loved about him, another reason why he was worth every tear and heartbreak. Even if it had been just for the benefits he didn't get at home, she couldn't have stopped. She was far too addicted for that. Maybe that was why it meant so much, because he knew he didn't have to do it.

Tonight he could tell she was distracted by something, but she was being secretive about it. "Are you ever going to tell me what it is?" he asked softly, looking up into her ocean blue eyes. He watched as they filled with mischievous intent.

"Tell you what?" She shot back innocently.

Reaching up, Ren knocked her off her elbows and sent her crashing down on top of him. He kissed her as she tried to contain her giggles. "You've had something on your mind all day. Why don't you just say it and get it over with?"

Biting her lip nervously she thought, but only briefly. She had a strong resolve. "Not yet."

"Then when?"

"When do I get my full week?" she asked.

"I'll be back in eighteen days." He promised. "Now, since you weren't able to distract me, how about you tell me how it relates."

If anything, she was more nervous than before. It kept Ren's attention sharp. This was unlike her. Moving off of him she sighed. "Will you do me a favor?"

Now he was the one to roll over so that he could see her. Reaching a hand out to stroke her cheek he smiled lightly. "I'll give you anything Piri, you know that."

"When you come again, can it be just the two of us?"

Glancing over at Men, Ren decided it was an odd request given her love for the boy, but he meant it when he said he would give her anything. What could he deny her after everything he put her through? "If that will make you happy I'll be here alone." He promised.

Giving a nervous smile she bowed her head slightly in thanks. "I'll have a surprise for you then."

Curiosity was burning him, but the way she cuddled up against him told him she wouldn't say another word. The feeling drove him crazy until he decided he needed a distraction. He had to leave the next morning and he wanted one more round of hot and heavy. It would be nearly three weeks before he saw her again, and after being separated for so long he wanted enough to last.

She accepted happily.

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Pirika couldn't remember a single point in her life where the days had passed as slowly as the days had for the last two weeks. Ren would be here tonight and what she had to tell him would change both of them forever.

She had considered telling him when he was here before, but with the distractions of Men and having less than 48 hours might have caused more stress than necessary. That and she had been afraid. There was a chance that he would be upset. They certainly hadn't been planning this and Pirika could only guess how it had happened.

Things would change a lot for her, and the specifics of everything else would get harder for Ren. Depending on their choices she could end up moving to a different city where the pair of them weren't recognized. Also seeing her brother might become impossible.

With a determined mind, she pushed that all away. Ren had sent her a message this morning saying he would bring food. Since they couldn't go out, he liked to bring take out from the restaurants they had enjoyed before this secrecy had become necessary. It had been more than six months since he had done it, so he must have sensed the importance of the occasion.

Glancing at the clock she saw he would be here in under two hours and she was starting to panic.

Knowing there was nothing she could do about any of this she decided to try and nap for a bit. She had been so exhausted lately but had been sleeping terribly with the stress of this night plaguing her dreams. Truthfully, she would feel lucky if she was even able to rest her eyes. How could sleep come when you were so panicked?

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Somehow she had been drawn under and she didn't come to until there was someone shaking her gently.

Opening her eyes she was shocked to see Ren sitting in front of her clearly amused. "I brought food if you would like to eat; otherwise I'm sure you could just continue sleeping."

Blushing a dark red, her mind went into overdrive on how she should bring up the surprise. Getting up she headed for the kitchen. It could wait until after dinner. She was starving.

All of her plans were pushed aside when she got a whiff of the broccoli and sauce Ren had chosen. She barely had time to excuse herself before she ran to the bathroom and emptied her stomach. Until now she had been relatively lucky with only a few minor side effects here and there, but that smell had been too much.

When she came out Ren suspected that she had been sick. Her pale face had a slight flush and she had rinsed her mouth with some mouthwash. He considered saying something to her, but chose not to. If she was sick it would answer the question of why she was sleeping when he got there. She didn't need it pointed out while he had all the answers he needed.

It took everything she had not to run out when she sat down and smelled it again. Instead she started nibbling at her food. By the time Ren was finished it was hard to tell if she had even eaten anything.

Leaning back he examined her. She was worried about something. Whether it was related to the secret she had been waiting to tell him or not was yet to be decided. Without much eye contact, she cleared the table, putting her things in the fridge and his deep in the trash where she wouldn't be able to smell it.

Walking out of the room she went to lie down on the futon and look up at Ren. He followed slowly, thoroughly confused. "Are you going to talk to me?" he asked. There was a hint of annoyance at her guarded nature.

Making her choice, Pirika decided to ask only one thing tonight and tomorrow she would tell him. That way she could savor at least one more night with him if things went terribly wrong. "I want to stop working at the tea shop." She told him.

It seemed she was filled with odd requests recently. The last time he had asked she had enjoyed her work. It allowed her to get out of the house and meet people. "Why?"

"Things have just gotten busy for me and I feel overwhelmed." She admitted.

"What are you so busy with?" she could hear his suspicions and decided to toy with him for a moment.

"Just things. I'm sure it matters little to you."

He knew what she was doing and so he went to play along. She was starting to relax and he liked it. Before she could stop him he was on top of her. "It may be hypocritical but I am not good at sharing and if your distractions are coming in the form of another man I will be forced to intervene." They both knew she wasn't seeing anyone else. That just wasn't how she did things.

Giggling Pirika directed him back to the main topic. "We are getting off subject."

Giving a theatrical sigh he pulled away slightly. "Is this a question or just an informative statement?"

"I didn't want to quit until I had talked to you. I never made much there, but at least it was something. It made me feel better that you didn't have to give me everything I had. I wasn't sure if you felt the same way and wanted me to at least do something for myself."

Ren looked down with a smirk. "Is this a ploy for more money?" he asked.

Pirika rolled her eyes at him. "I already have to work to use even half of what you give me and you know it." At the beginning of every month he paid her rent and added money to an account he had opened for her. She had never once spent it all.

"If quitting is what you want, go ahead." He told her. "It makes no difference to me in any way. Even if you needed more money I wouldn't mind. It's terrible, but I am not above buying your happiness."

"I'm always happy with you Ren." She whispered.

"Since that didn't seem worth the long wait or your stress I am led to believe there is more."

Biting her lip Pirika smiled "I won't tell you anything else until tomorrow." She said firmly.

His fingers slipped to her sides and he began to tickle her. "Are you sure I can't find a way to change your mind?" he asked innocently.

When he gave her a short break to breathe she shook her head. "You can wait until tomorrow. Now stop arguing and kiss me." She ordered.

"I could tell you that I wouldn't kiss you until you've told your secret." He said simply.

The confident look Pirika worse said she had called his bluff. "But you won't." she said quite sure of herself.

Leaning forward Ren smiled. "No," he agreed "I won't."

Before she knew it his lips were on hers and she was getting just what she wanted. For a few hours she would forget about her concerns and just hold him. Her mind always went blank when he touched her like this.

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The pair of them were woken up at four in the morning by his phone. Answering it roughly, his eyes opened when he heard the voice on the line.

"What is it?" Pirika asked sleepily.

Giving her a sharp glare she moved back. He was angry and she knew enough not to get in the way. Getting to her feet she made a trip to the bathroom so he could have a minute alone.

When she got back he was getting dressed. "I have to leave." He told her while staring at the ground. This would hurt her a great deal and he didn't want to see her pain.

"I-I don't understand." She whispered.

Sighing he just went for it. There was no point in dragging this out. "That was Jeanne. Men has a fever and he has been crying for hours. He won't eat or sleep and she can't handle it anymore. I need to get back, at least for a few days. Then I can either leave him again or bring him with. I promise I'll be back in under a week."

"No!" she yelled back.

Looking up he was surprised to see her pain was overshadowed by her anger. "Pirika I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you sometime." While he had been speaking he had gone towards the door and tried to lean into to kiss her.

For the first time in her life, she pulled away from him. "No." she repeated. "I only get you for one month a year and you are so willing to just walk away. Maybe I don't want you here."

"Don't be ridiculous. If it wasn't for Men I would stay. You know that."

"There are dozens of people there who could help watch him and if she was really worried all she would have to do is call for a doctor and there would be one there in a minute. What could you do that they can't?"

"Pirika I can't argue about this now."

"Leave." She said coldly. "But don't you come back. Don't you _ever_ come back!"

"You don't mean that Piri." He whispered gently.

"I have only seen you once in over two months and now you won't stay for even twelve hours. If Men was mine and I had called you like that you would have just told me to calm down and that everything would be fine."

"That isn't fair. I don't come running for you because I know you're strong enough to handle things. Jeanne has a panic attack just by looking at Men. She can't do this alone."

Finally the tears started to fall and she lost her temper. She slapped him hard across the face. "I can't be strong anymore." She cried. "I can't always be alone anymore. Onii-chan hasn't even sent me a text in four months. I've given up everything for you and you're walking away."

"I'm not forgetting you. I'm just pushing things back a few days. I'll be back before you know it."

Still she shook her head. "Get out." She ordered. "Maybe you can learn what it's like to only be an after thought."

"Please don't do this Piri, please." He pleaded in a sad whisper.

Without a word she turned around and went back to her bed, leaving Ren standing in the doorway. When she heard the door shut behind him she fell to pieces. She had never hurt like this before.

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Texts had come repeatedly over the next few days, but she ignored each and every one of them.

First he told her that Men was fine and he could come the next day if she wanted. After that he begged her to respond, to let him come back and see her. The texts came less frequently as time passed, but they became more frantic and desperate. It got harder and harder to ignore him.

If it hurt her that bad every time he walked away, how hard would it be for their baby? They wouldn't understand why daddy didn't stay at home, or why he couldn't take hthem out to the park, or on trips like Men got to go on.

What would they think when he was called away for his real family? There would likely be times that he couldn't make birthdays and there wouldn't be any holidays where he could get away.

Truthfully, this had become far more trying on her than she would admit. No matter how much she loved him, or how addicted she was, she couldn't bring herself to put a child through what she was going through. All she could do was remember before, when things first went wrong.

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She had tricked her brother again and had come to his motel room. She knew something was wrong when she walked in. He didn't come and take her in his arms, or even give that little smirk he knew she loved.

Her own smile quickly faltered as she walked slowly over to him. Sitting by his side she was a little surprised when he took her hand.

Actually she was terrified. They had basically been together since she was first interested in boys. He was a few years older and had been watching her. In all those years she had never seen him like this.

"My father wants me to get married." He told her, looking only at the ground.

The words he didn't say spoke louder. They had kept their relationship a secret for a number of reasons. Both had pretended that the main reason was that her brother would not approve but that wasn't really it. Really the biggest problem was his family.

For generations every Tao had married someone either from their own clan or one with the same reputation and status, and they were always Chinese. It had never been said aloud but he couldn't let anyone know about them. If his father found out they would be ended before Pirika could even have known what happened.

She had done some research on the family when the idea had first occurred to her and it was no secret that they were willing to do anything to get their way. Eliminating people troubling them seemed to be more of a pastime then a chore.

"I'm nineteen," He reminded her, "we knew this would happen eventually."

"If you were just waiting for this why didn't you leave me a long time ago? It would have hurt less." She snapped angrily, tears beginning to fall slowly, one at a time.

"Because I don't want to give you up. I don't even know if I can."

"Well it looks like you don't have much of a choice do you?"

He understood her anger and pain. He also understood that the only idea he had come up with wouldn't go over well. "No other woman will ever mean as much to me as you do. You know that. Even when it happens it will only be a technicality."

She noticed that he had said when not if. It seemed he had fully accepted this fate. She didn't say a word as she got to her feet and headed towards the door.

Ren grabbed her back and pulled her to him. He didn't give her a chance to stop him before he put his lips on hers and kissed her desperately. "I'm not going to be able to fight this for long." He said, only moving back far enough to speak.

"What if things didn't have to change? We already keep things hidden and see each other just when I can get over here. It wouldn't be as frequently but I would make it as often as possible. I'll give you everything you'd ever need. You can have anything you want if we can work this out."

He saw it coming but didn't make a move to stop it. She was stronger than she looked, and she had clearly put everything she could into that slap. He knew he deserved it. He had no right to have kept her thinking it could last forever, and what he was asking her for was an insult.

"Don't go Piri, please." He begged softly.

"I will not be your cheap whore." She spat. "I love you Ren, but I won't just spend my life waiting for you and getting paid off for it."

He tried to grab for her hand when she ran this time but she hit it away. In seconds she was gone and the only thing that told him she had ever been there at all was the red mark on his cheek and the faint scent of her shampoo in the room.

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He messaged her repeatedly on the touch screen phone he had gotten her a few months ago. He promised her he wasn't trying to buy her love. The phone was an example. He gave her expensive gifts frequently because he liked to make her happy, and just because he couldn't be there as much didn't mean he wanted her to have any less.

She ignored him despite reading each and every word he sent.

Two weeks after she had walked out on him he made a move. When she got off work and went out the door into the back alley he was waiting. Pushing her up against the wall his lips met hers in desperation.

She had avoided responding to him because she knew it wouldn't take much to get her to break. The thought of losing him forever was heartbreaking and to avoid it she might be willing to throw her morals out the window.

Ren kept her against the wall when he pulled back an inch and rested his head on hers, placing short kisses on her lips between his pleadings. "Please don't give it up Piri. I'll give you anything. I can't look at anyone when I think I'll never see you again. You're the only person who's ever made me happy. I-I can't watch you walk away."

With each touch she lost resolve and eventually she returned one of the little kisses he gave her. Her arms wrapped around his neck so he couldn't pull away. She felt him relax as he shoved his tongue into her mouth. They both knew she had broken.

He had taken her back to his room and she didn't leave for an entire day. Her brother had thrown a fit. She didn't care though. In a way, Ren was still hers and nothing else mattered. That and when she complained about it later to Ren, he told her he would get her out on her next birthday if she wanted.

He gifted her with a laptop only two or three days after she had given in to him.

Still she wasn't sure whether she believed his promise that he would take care of her until she was given the keys to a fully furnished apartment.

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Pirika had expected Ren to come back and beg her like he had then, so she had kept the chain on the door latched so he couldn't get in. To her surprise he hadn't come. She was getting a text message or email once a week but otherwise she heard nothing.

Her biggest concern was about the apartment. She was waiting for a knock on the door and the landlord telling her she had to leave because the rent hadn't been paid. Also she was waiting for the money in the account he had given her to either disappear or run out.

He had known that if he just gave her the same amount of money every month she would end up with more than she could ever use. Instead he made sure that she started every month with the same amount of money. That way he made sure that things didn't add up to an amount that made her uncomfortable, and she was still prepared for an emergency.

When he realized he could never give her the home and family life she had always dreamed of he decided that the least he could do was ensure she would never want for anything. The money flow had started a few months before her birthday, but she couldn't move out without her brothers permission until she was 18.

Without the money flow she had grown used to, she would be forced to move in with her brother, his wife and baby. As if the awkwardness wouldn't be bad enough, there would be questions asked that she couldn't answer.

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Ren had only been with her on her birthday once, but he had made sure that she got a present every year all the same. It was always there when she woke up in the morning.

This year was different. Now she was seven months pregnant and hadn't seen Ren in over four months. She was surprised enough that when she checked her account on the first of every month there was more money, but when a letter had been shoved under her door that night she didn't know what to think.

Her name on the front had been written by him. Opening the door she saw a small box wrapped in her favorite shade of pale pink. Picking it up she set it inside and tried to forget about it.

It didn't work well and she was back to it in under an hour. She was trembling as she opened it. Inside was the most beautiful snowflake pendant she had ever seen in her life, made of gold and flawless diamonds.

This couldn't have been something he just happened by. He must have been truly looking for something for her. She had never seen anything like this before, but it was perfect in every way. It actually wouldn't have been all that shocking if he had it made just for her. That was something he would have done back when they were dating in high school, before things went wrong.

Part of her wanted to put it in her jewelry box and pretend she had never seen it but she couldn't. After only a little hesitation she fastened the necklace around her neck.

Looking at it in the mirror she felt tears come to her eyes. The diamonds were unlike anything she had ever seen before. They reflected even the tiniest ray of light.

Going back out she opened the envelope and found it contained only three words in his fanciful handwriting. 'I miss you'.

She had been reaching for her phone to beg to see him when the baby kicked her so hard she was winded. It was all the reminder she needed to stop herself. There had been a plan forming for weeks about what she was going to do. Every day she was more confident in her choice. She would give everything to make sure her child had everything it could ever want.

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Pirika couldn't take her eyes off the baby girl in her arms. Her cat shaped blue eyes shined happily as she started sticking out her tongue. It was a good thing she looked so much like Ren. Everything would be easier this way. Finally she tore herself away and set her down in the middle of the bed.

For this little girl, she would do anything. She deserved a real family, not a single mother and a father who kept her existence hidden.

The plan was coming along smoothly. Ren would be here in about two hours if he came like he should. She had set up her phone to send him an automatic message and it gave her plenty of time to tie up the loose ends.

Sitting at the table she started writing the two letters she would leave by her purple haired angel. The one to her brother would be easier so she started with that one.

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Onii-chan, I know you don't approve of the choices I've made and I'm sorry for that. I knew it was wrong but I wanted it more than you could imagine.

All I can do now is beg your forgiveness.

Hurting you and pulling away is something I will always regret. The idea of living my own life, of being my own person pushed me forward, but in the end it ruined me.

Please don't blame Ren. I knew what I was doing and would do it all again. You've seen her by now so you know anger won't be good for anyone. No one knew about her so I'm hoping everything can start as if I never existed.

If Ren takes her I want you to be there when you can be. She may never know who I am, but I want her to know she is loved by everyone around her. If Ren can't take her I want you to. I did all of this so she would have a real family so raise her as if she was your own. I failed her completely and she will be better if she never knows where she came from.

You meant the world to me onii-chan, and although I never told you how much I love you, I don't ever want you to doubt it. Please forgive me, I only want what's best for her and this was the only way I could get it.

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Reading it a few times through she decided it would be good enough. It would have to be.

Now that one was finished she decided to work on the hard one. Part of her was happy she would never have to tell him any of this face to face because Ren would never understand. He would hate her once he knew, but at that point she would be gone. Pirika just hoped he wouldn't blame the child. She needed him to care for her.

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Ren- First I want you to make sure she's ok. She shouldn't have been alone for more than an hour or so but who knows what could happen in that amount of time.

Yes, she is yours and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I had been planning on telling you the week you last came, but when Jeanne called you back I realized I wanted better for her. I accepted this life willingly, but I couldn't force it on her. A child deserves a real family and that is something our daughter could never have.

This was the only thing I could come up with. You have a family. I'm just the other woman, the one you come to when you want a change. She and I will never fit in with your life. We will always be your dirty little secret. In order for her to have a normal life I can't be in the picture.

By the time you read this it will be too late for me and you will be all she has. I want you to take her in and raise her like Men. I haven't named her and she was only born last Saturday so she is only 10 days old and no one will know the difference.

If you refuse to take her, or Jeanne forbids it, give her to my brother and tell him everything. I am writing a letter for him as well that asks him to take her if you can't, but he won't know her birthday or that she is still waiting to be named.

No matter what you choose, it would be better if she never knows about me. The entire point of this is that she has a good life and for that she needs two parents who love her, not to wonder about who she really is.

She is your daughter and deserves everything that you've given your son. Please take care of her. I love you more than you will ever understand Ren, and I couldn't ask you to choose between us. That and I know who you would choose and I couldn't live through the denial. I did this for her; all I can do now is ask that you forgive me.

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She had only written a few lines when she had started crying, leaving splotches all over the paper. Knowing she couldn't read through it again without making it illegible she pushed it off to the side to the side.

Hearing fussing from the bed Pirika labeled the letter and went back to the other room. She lifted her daughter up one last time and fed her from her breast. Her arms could barely support the small girl because of how hard she was sobbing.

When the infant had her fill, Pirika set her down in the middle of the bed with one letter to either side. Leaning forward she placed a final kiss on the girls head before she walked slowly to the kitchen. Sitting on the counter was a full glass of wine and a pile of sleeping pills she had placed earlier.

Her hands were shaking so badly she could barely grip her glass, but after a glance at the clock she took a deep gulp followed by a handful of pills. The letters had taken longer than she wanted so she had little time for the combination to work its magic.

After taking the remainder of the pills she refilled her glass of wine and walked over to the corner behind the bed. Ren needed to see their daughter before he found her because if he found her body first, he might not see her in time.

Of course the girl had proven she could make her presence known so it might not be a big deal, but Pirika still worried. The entire purpose of this was to save her daughter; if something happened to the girl it would all be for naught.

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Ren had a bad feeling from the moment he had gotten her text. He had heard nothing from her since the night he had walked out. When he had gotten back to China, Men had only a slight fever and Jeanne had just been over-reacting.

She had never been good with children after growing up leading a group of adults. Men made her uncomfortable. He couldn't tell her what was wrong or do anything for himself so she passed him off to Ren whenever possible. It was a little odd that Ren was great with the child but Jeanne was terrible, but that was just how it turned out.

Something about the message from the Ainu woman had seemed off and to be honest he was scared. When his phone had vibrated he had been in the middle of dinner but after seeing it was from her he left immediately, giving his wife no explanation.

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When he got to the building he was filled with darkness and despair on a level he hadn't felt in years. His grip on Men got tighter as he ran inside. Once in the apartment he took out the collapsible sword he carried with him. The room had the dark stink of death hanging over it. With his weapon in one hand and his son in the other he walked in, peering around the corners before he stepped out.

When he looked into the main room he saw something on the bed. Moving forward towards it he dropped Men and his blade. Laying there looking up at him was a purple haired child with his own cat shaped eyes in her mother's blue. Men was sitting on the floor looking stunned from his fall, but was fine. He had seen the small bundle and was interested as well.

As Ren lifted the letters, Men climbed onto the futon and looked closer at the strange being that lay there. Ren had been about to open his note when he realized he still hadn't found Pirika. All of that changed when he saw her body lying in the corner.

Tears filled his eyes as he pulled her limp body into his arms. She had only the faintest trace of a pulse and it was fading with every second. Before he even knew what had happened he felt her heart beat a final time.

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AN: Ok, I warned you all. Totally heartbreaking. I have a partially written sequel to this that ends a lot better. If you can't live with this ending you can say so in a review and I will give you a summery of the sequel, but please understand, I am super unreliable and chances are I will never actually get it done. This would really just so you could leave with a tiny thread of hope instead of utter despair.


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